1. |
Indolence
03:04
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crying to cartoons in bed
on my pillow of sadness
in my teen angst hoodie
I just try try try
you try to rock my head to sleep
your skin is damp and next to me
they look at us mockingly
like we're stuck together
but I don't care care care
I like us stuck together
I like us stuck together
I like us stuck together
I like us stuck together
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2. |
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believe me I've done it all
maybe I should have let them in
should have let someone in
my hair sticks to the sweat on my chin
and it's kind of poetic, but I don't know
(what would I ever do?)
you know about it, you know how I am
and I cry about it, and I cry without it
you know about me,
you know that I scrape my knees on purpose sometimes
and I cry about it
and I cry without it
(what would I ever do?)
believe me I've done it all
I thought I didn't look great with my clothes off
like my bare skin was bruised
and my thighs not slim enough
and I couldn't care that my shoulders could lift things heavier than me
(what would I ever do?)
do enough
oh, baby I'm not really there at all
nothing gets me off
oh, baby no one's half as good as us
(what would I ever do?)
you know about it, you know how I am
and I cry about it, and I cry without it
you know about me,
you know that I scrape my knees on purpose sometimes
and I cry about it
and I cry without it
(what would I ever do?)
do enough
(believe me, I've done it all)
oh, baby I'm not really there at all
(believe me, I've done it all)
nothing gets me off
(believe me, I've done it all)
oh, baby no one's half as good as us
(believe me, I've done it all)
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3. |
Mental
03:05
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Cheeks are flushed
I cover up
I think I'm okay with my body now
How?
At least when I'm
not down and I
throw up in my mouth
and I hide it all
How?
time to let go of it
I'm shameless and it makes sense
I wrote it on my chest
that I'm mental and I'm unfit
and it all makes sense
now
I can't feed
on adrenaline
when you speak it smells like an energy drink
and I can't run with feet that can't
move all the weight in my ugly brain
wanna sleep all day
time to let go of it
I'm shameless and it makes sense
I wrote it on my chest
that I'm mental and I'm unfit
and it all makes sense
now
time to let go of it
I'm shameless and it makes sense
I wrote it on my chest
that I'm mental and I'm unfit
and it all makes sense
now
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4. |
Hate To Fall Asleep
04:13
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I try
to see the great in everything I see
but I close my eyes
I grieve
the minutes that I try to keep
I count them on my fingers instead
I lift my head
I decide that this time I'm okay
and nights will never be as long as I made them to be
I never said was a grateful friend
I cry them out
my tired eyes
not strong enough to give
it all to you
I mean
the words I scream in blurry ears
the only thing I cannot hear
I sleep
enough to know I hate the dark
I count the nights I stay awake
I cry them out
my tired eyes
not strong enough to give
it all to you
I keep my feet up in the bed
I hide my sad face in my hands
but it makes me smile
to think that people laugh at me
when I can barely laugh at myself
I cry them out
my tired eyes
not strong enough to give
it all to you
it all to you
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5. |
Don't Call
03:02
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Flickering things
I'm getting sentimental
looking through car windows
and thinking of places I want to see
where I want to be
I cross my arms too much
I apologise when I'm uncomfortable
I'm not sorry anymore
I hide from conversations
please don't call
I wont be there
at all
I feel a disconnection
I build up walls
around me
I force myself to feel good
but I don't have it on paper yet
I'm not eligible
just dreaming things impossible
of being like everyone else
exemplary
finally the best
But I
I'm sure lost control
And I
I'm sure I'll lose them all
please don't call
please don't call
please don't call
I wont pick up
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6. |
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I watch those reality shows
I leave my hair in the shower drain
leave all my things on the floor
pretending that I'm something more
what if we both moved away
do you think that would put things straight?
my mom would call me insane
and I would keep spending my money on stupid things
because I want that privileged job, don't I
I want to pay with pictures of my white face, don't I
I wish I was someone that kids thought was real and strong
but I'm a child with my hands over my ears
don't trust my voice when I stumble
trembling over strings I cut off
so scared of boredom and catching dust
but I will stay young forever, I never learn, I never trust
not sane, but hopeful to stay tough
I am ready on my knees to give it up
don't care for being cool or looking dumb
I feel too close but I am still not close enough
because I want that privileged job, don't I
I want to pay with pictures of my white face, don't I
I wish I was someone that kids thought was real and strong
but I'm a child with my hands over my ears
don't trust a word I say
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7. |
Kind
02:17
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I used to cry over little things
but now i just die inside
and stay quiet for a while
I lay on the floor and wait for you to see me
and see that i'm sad and hold me and say
"It gets better"
I used to be pretty
but I also used to be dumb and naive
and think that these things wouldnt haunt me for years
But they do
and i try to be strong for everyone
but i lose some battles somehow
so tell me im brave
tell me im kind
and tell me that you will remember my face
when you all move away
it gets better
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8. |
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The softest boy with shining eyes
I could not behave
I could not contain myself
and I messed him up like only I can do
a part of me said "let him be"
and I let him be mine
my hands cannot hold the words from my tongue
but I cannot speak enough and I can't shut myself up
and I stare as I always do
when I enter the room
I cannot relate
I don't know what I would say
as they think and they talk about sex
and I think about you
and I think about what to do next
wanna get out, wanna lie down, wanna go home again
my hands cannot hold the words from my tongue
but I cannot speak enough and I can't shut myself up
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9. |
10 p.m.
04:21
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all I wanted was normal
I wanted us happy
and photos of me
when I smile genuinely
I wanted to wake up one day
and feel the sun on my face
to put on my shoes and wash my hair when it's dirty
and not think too much about what I could be or do better
I'm too sad to be polite
I play pretend that it's okay,
that it's resolved
and I'm not getting old
I'm not getting older
She wrote in my records that I could not meet her eye
and they write about how easy I am to understand
that my fingers are a little shaky
but I'm so clear and so straight
but they don't know how casual I am
but I'm still here again
and I worry about
what will happen in the summertime
when there's nothing to be sad about
and they don't turn on the street lights
until 10 p.m.
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10. |
Gone Wild
04:32
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what if my dog died when I was in tokyo
what if dad died before I turned twenty-four
in my head they all live forever
and I could never let go
I should have brought you more than my love
some warm clothes for you love
'cause I couldn't keep you warm
I couldn't keep you warm enough
I don't want to have to pay for my sins
'cause you know that I'm broke and I only speak bullshit
I'm sorry that I bother you with my friendship
you know that I'm crude and you know that I'm selfish
(okay?)
so anti-social but can't stand to be alone
I try to speak with bigger words when I pick up the phone
nobody knows that I'm funny or kind
don't know if they're blind or if I'm just hard to read
can't be anything
(no way)
like dogs gone wild
I'll love them anyway
like dogs gone wild
I'll love them anyway
and I'm stuck thinking of last year again
when I was making money and I was making friends
what if I actually stayed in one mood
but all I say is cruel and I'm red and I'm blue
(okay?)
am I dumb, or am I lame or too boring for her?
I couldn't dance no matter where we were
am I self-centered for thinking that they're leaving me?
do I pretend to be lonely?
do they care enough to see?
do they give a fuck?
(no way)
like dogs gone wild
I'll love them anyway
like dogs gone wild
I'll love them anyway
maybe it's not me, babe
maybe I'm almost sane
maybe I'm almost
okay
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